Midlife crisis, no thanks I’m a trendie. 

So yesterday there was no Porta Gregor blog and i’m very sorry for that, my brain was fried from painkillers so I could have been ranting about garden gnomes or something so I thought it best to rest and recover. So today instead  of covering real news in the world, i’m going to deal with the Burning issue of…..trendies. Yes that bunch of oppressed people who run around calling you a racist ,a privileged white person ,wanting to hug everyone and are generally a bunch of assholes. We used to call them hippies, then lefties,  then grungers. ….but to compare today’s trendies with these older groups is to  insult the older groups. So today we re going to look at how to become and be a trendie.

 I ve kinda narrowed it down to two types of people who become trendies, there is the 35 year old upwards that feel they missed out on something in life and must get an opinion and then there is the 18 year old upwards who are too stupid to have an opinion that they jump on the most popular opinions going. In other words trendies are the people who shout at you , throw abuse at you and hate you…..but when you ask  them why…..well they don’t know. Before I get to the guide to becoming a trendie, a lot of people ask me why I write about world issues and usa issues more than I do about irish issues …..when I’m from ireland. Well it’s like this guys and gals, when I started out I thhought that my readers would be mainly irish but once my reader numbers went up well that’s when I got to meet the true face of Ireland.  For no reason I was blocked from all irish blogging groups because I didn’t write about shoes , make up and parenting. …from there I suddenly found that The little miss can’t be wrongs and Mr I’m a fucking tools of Ireland were targeting me on ebay and other shopping sites…..so I don’t write to please the people of Ireland (the country I love and am proud to be irish) I write to please Porta Gregor and I aim to help people and not to bring them down. Since starting this I ve gotten rid of over 500 fake cyber bully accounts and i’m still fighting. So little miss can’t be wrong and Mr I’m a fucking tool…..enjoy make up….because there is a host of us on the front line of the real world and we’re here to stay…..deal with it.

So how to be a trendie, it used be a case if you were going to have a  midlife crisis you would just buy a Porsche and fuck a 21 year old but not now, you ve got to have an opinion, weather it’s yours or not, but it’s got to be the main one going. But before you get to this stage you got to have the right back round. College degree/or studying in college in something that is completely useless and has been paid for by your parents  (god forbid you might have a college loan) and you need to act so laid back and knowledgeable about the world/life/everything that you are coooooool…..in other words a total fucking asshole who could write what what the know about  the world on the back of a postage stamp.Next comes the look

The look is very important ….you think that you would just dig out your oldest cheapest clothes and that would be that , dear god no….are you insane!!!! To be a true trendie you need to get designer labels and not wash them. You need to be wearing at least €500 in clothes before you can be adcepted into the trendie gang. Next you need to pay a gay hairdresser another €500 to cut your hair in such a way that it looks like you did it yourself ,in the dark with a fucking hedge clippers.  Stay with the program asshole. So there you are in front of the mirror with your stupid designer labels on,all dirty of course ,trying too hard to make them look old and the most stupidest hair cut ever…..what do you do next…..become oppressed. 

Nothing is more important in becoming a trendie than being oppressed.  If you walk into a room you have to be the most oppressed motherfucker there!!!If you are at a party and a guy is drinking a can of Bud you need to get out the Dutch gold to show this privileged bastard just how oppressed you are that you have to drink this piss. Once you ve mastered the art of being oppressed  ( not that you ve been oppressed once in your whole life and probably never had to work because everything was paid for you) you come to the last most dangerous part…..The opinion!!!!

First off clear you re mind of any form of thought what so ever and open the paper to find your oppressed brothers and sisters, at the moment they being ” black lives matter”……”Muslims ” ….. “gay”….and “migrants”. You need to imbrace these causes with a passion ( weather you know anything about them or not) then you need a token friend from each group…..and who is the enemy. …well everyone that is not a member of these groups or a trendie…..time to hit the street.

Let’s say you go to a “black lives matter” rally or a ” hug a terrorist muslim” rally or ” hey im gay ” rally or ” I’m a migrant ” rally  ( yes I know one of the ” black lives matters” leaders was found dead and burned in a car….I just don’t give a shit) you ve got to be blacker than black….you got to be so Islamic that the sight of a woman’s wrist offends you and you ve got to be gayer than any gay before and you ve got to have traveled harder and more than any migrant has ever travelled. While you are now at these rallies you ve got to lead the charge at ordinary people walking past and either attack them because well they are the enemy and oppressing you….you did read it in the paper after all so it must be true….or you ve got to point and shout the same answer to every question ” oh but you re a privileged white person”….when in fact you have more money than those you are attacking ( who have done nothing to you) and those you shouting at ( who again probably have done nothing to you and didnt even know a rally was on).You are now a trendie and 9/10 people will run from you when you try to attack them or shout abuse at them…….but then you also have to deal with people like me.

Yes it was fun getting the clothes ,the look ,attacking and abusing those who won’t fight back…..did you feel strong…did your dick get hard…..I hope so, because one out of ten is a Porta Gregor and Porta Gregor don’t run. You see this is the difference,people like me don’t need to have token friends from any group. I have friends who could well be gay, it’s they’re business . I have friends who could be Muslims,  I didn’t ask. I have friends who could have arrived here as migrants, I don’t care. I have black friends, so what. People like me don’t care about your sexuality, your religion,  where your from or the colour of your skin…..if your a cool person and we get on, friendships go beyond any of these groups, so does love, so does everything…..Each person to they re own. But try and push your way of life on me and I bite back…..that’s the difference.  You live your way and I live mine and let that be that. No one has the right to force they re way of life on someone else, so while your getting your trendie look together and getting ready for a fight for those who are laughing at you ( because that’s what the above groups are doing….laughing at you because you are being used) remember there is someone like me waiting…..waiting not to run….waiting to fucking kick your ass if you think about pointing  and shouting abuse….waiting for you to attack because people like don’t run when attacked, we fight back and you  trendie motherfucker better have you re running shoes on….

So is it worth it….become a trendie, fight for causes that don’t want you,  have no opinion of your own, surrender you re mind and attack defenceless people because…..well there is no because and for that reason get you re ass kicked by people like me who stand up for the defenceless and I ain’t even got to the worst bit of becoming a trendie yet….you ve got to be a Hilary Clinton or Gary Johnson supporter……so I would say no its not worth becoming a trendie, go buy a Porsche and fuck the 21 year old or if your in college, go to parties, have fun ,make mistakes and learn life…..don’t be used by groups that don’t care about you.

So until tomorrow guys and gals. ….love people for who they are, not what they are  and for the love of god, don’t become a trendie….

Love you all guys and gals 

Here is some beautiful women from every group…..They are all beautiful no matter what they re background. ..

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