37- And Jenna Jameson …life is good. . 

So today is my birthday  ( yes Porta Gregor has a birthday) and honestly it feels a little weird.  I’m 37, I was ment to have died from medical issues before 30 but please don’t look at it as” isn’t it great I beat the odds ” because it’s been a hard 7 years, so here I am,37 acting 20 wondering where the fuck I’m going and why have I not done this or that and when i see pictures of the younger me I ask myself “is this where I saw myself ” ( honestly the rabbit in my head when I was younger was probably just thinking about sex or drink) but isn’t that the point.

Some people get midlife crisis stuff, or feel they missed out on something  and then it starts to effect family life and they start to get mixed up as to what they want to do or what they missed out on and then it’s just a jumbled up mixed up idea of what they wanted and after a few years they end up right back where the started. Life is like that.

I ve lost everything so many times that it’s gone beyond a joke now, but it does give you true view of life. It’s not about what you think you ve missed out on its about looking at the gifts that you have around you. This last week has been very hard on my body and I feel 100 years old….but still there is this light ( sometimes it might just be a candle light) in the back of my my mind that shows me the beauty of living. And that’s the point….look for the beauty in each situation….there always is one no matter how dark you think it is.

So another year down, will I see 38 I don’t know but I’m going to have a hell of a time trying….because there is people out there who want me to fail and want me to give up….but I am too much in love with life to give up so I  ll be here …forever…because I will leave my mark on the world or die trying. Oh you might have noticed Jenna Jameson throughout today’s blog….I respect and admire this woman …and besides it’s my birthday.

So until tomorrow guys and gals….midlife crisis is just a state of mind, stop and look at yourself and say I love me…not the bear grills  idea of  what should be.
Love you all guys and gals…

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